Divine Qualities

So I went to re-read my lovely blog and uncovered something I've written that I meant to talk further about.

1. Self-confidence 
2. Sincerity 
3. Ambition 
4. Absolute honesty

The Critical Characteristics of a Dedicated Witch

1. My self confidence lacks in several area's. (though, for some reason, my self confidence is highest when I'm with my mate.)
2. I am often very sincere, depending on who it is. I've unfortunately learned my mothers trick of always acting sincere even when you don't give a damn. How Christian, right?
3. I have been kicked so much by my ex that he got me to believe, even still, that I have no talent, I will never amount to anything, I will never succeed. Thankfully the man I'm with now is helping undo this.
4. This one may be my undoing. I am polyamorous and neo-pagan, looking into Wicca and becoming a Witch. Maybe ten people know I'm polyamorous, merely because I can't help but brag about my man. I've only told my bf about my Wiccan desire, and he may have told his other woman but I don't mind if she knows. To the rest of the world I'm a single Christian mother.

Fixing the problems?

Self Confidence
I read on The Celtic Connection's Forums that a moonstone had been used to boost self confidence. It worked better than the Witch had intended, but that's not the point. I will be looking into stones and their uses, possibly acquiring one for the use of boosting my self confidence.

Sincerity
I don't know how to remedy my false sincerity. It seems rude to be be blunt and outright say: I just don't care. But that is the honest thing to do. It's going to be a long road before I get here.

Ambition
My main issue with ambition is the damaging words my ex made me believe. Until I can be rid of his voice in my head, I will have to come up with goals and figure out how to go about reaching them. Though without ambition, the will to reach them will be hard to find.

Absolute honesty
This one feels outright impossible at the moment. Even just my parents. I've been dating this wonderful man for over a year, and they have their suspicions, but I've never been honest with them about my love life. To top it off, I can't tell them about my beliefs. In some way I feel like I may burst into flame if I walk into a Christian church. Which makes no sense if you believe in pantheism. (Which, so far, I do)

I will need divine guidance to achieve these qualities in the purest of their form. I have got to start collecting books.

On another note, I need to look into black onyx. I read on TCCF that it helps absorb negative emergy around you. This will be so helpful for two specific people: My ex husband, and my boyfriends very Protestant mother.

Messy Meditation

Today's meditation was a bust. I've been sick about two days and I just could not get relaxed, even for five minutes. Checked in with all my body parts, from my toes up, listened to meditation melodies, laid like I like, my eyes were covered, I just could not get anywhere in the realm of calm. This could possibly be due to a massive migraine. So since I have no herbal remedies, I will take some pain killers and head off to bed with a bottle of agua. Maybe sleep will help.

Christianity and Wicca

My parents love me. My mom coddled me way too long and my father wasn't around enough, but they are making up for it. They are much better at parenting their adult children. They visibly care about me. Not just "here, have the paper money I happen to be carrying around", but also "we want you to have a good life, meet a good man, have a high-paying rewarding job" And so on. They also like spending time with me. Which isn't always terrible. But they are Christian. They believe anyone from any denomination other than their own will not go to heaven. They believe astrology is of the devil. My mom believes herbalism is of the devil. I can't even tell her I want a binder with a star pattern on it without her 'hmming'. Just normal stars! You'd think that because the three wisemen were led by an astronomer who used a star to guide them to Jesus would give her a different opinion. I don't even read my horoscope, 90% of it is trash written by people who know nothing!

I couldn't even tell mom and dad I was leaving their denomination. Now I'm a neopagan. What do I do? What do I do? ... I tell the truth. Just.. spin it a little first.

What is Pantheism? "The belief in many deities who are really one because they are all merely aspects of the single creative life force." I believe this. If you read A beautiful story about the beginning of creation, you'll see The Great Spirit drew together and created Our Lady of Infinite Love. Later, The Great Spirit created The Lord in the same manner. This means Our Lord and Lady are mirrors of The Great Spirit. And then The Lord and Lady created other beings, who mirror them.

Jesus? I don't know if he lived or died as a human does, or if he is fiction. Just as I have no way of knowing if my Goddess Danu lived and breathed or if she is fiction too. Either way, they resemble Our Lord and Our Lady, who I believe do exist as our Sun and Moon.

Can I truthfully say I am a Christian? In some ways, I am, so be it a white lie, tis the half truth and that is good enough.

As I learn and grow, I will gently nudge my parents, mainly my mother, toward some of my beliefs. I can start with the line about the three wisemen that I mentioned above, and continue with herbalism. How God made these things, how he made the willow tree, so that it's bark can heal our minor aches and pains. Her God and mine are, after all, One.

And maybe one day, they will understand me enough to accept that I am nondenominational. Hey, baby steps.

Introducing Meditation Monday

I find that meditation is best with a blindfold as I am new and easily distracted. I also discovered Pandora has a meditation station. Booya Witches. Now I'm really bad with posture and dislike sitting in the meditation... way.. lotus?.. and I read somewhere that it didn't matter what position you're in, so I prefer to lay on the carpet (bed or couch is way too comfy for this) with my knees bent.

The last time I meditated, I felt a presence above my head and reached out. I felt one or two animals nuzzling my hand, at the time I thought deer or goat or maybe pitt bull (I love pitt bulls so that was probably wishful thinking), but later I saw a photo of Cerridwen as a Scorpio symbol (I'm a Scorpio) with a deer, boar and fox.

When I was in my early teens I was obsessed with Native American culture (little ironic now that I'm dating a Native American) and I was also a fan of Shaniah Twain... Who is partially Native. Shaniah is actually NOT her birth name, but the name her Native grandfather gave her. So I adopted a native name, and pretended my spirit guide was a fox. (because wolf was too mainstream) What the fox say?

So the boar is coincidence because I felt a medium sized beast with short hair, could be anything. The deer is probably coincidence too, seeing as I had seen a deer in looking up spirit guides the morning before my last meditation. And the fox is probably stretching it. But at the time... Seeing a Wiccan Deity with a Scorpio symbol and the coincidence of the animals... it was shocking. My mouth did that cartoon thing.

Meditation Monday.. So I should be doing meditation a lot more than once a week. I will. But remember, one step at a time. I'm converting religions! I didn't even go to church weekly, or monthly even. Weekly meditation will be an amazing start. So sometime today I will be meditating at least fifteen minutes. Rather I HOPE fifteen minutes. Last time I meditated, the dog came up and put his nose on my arm and I was freaked out because I thought it was a spirit animal. I was in ten minutes, but couldn't after that. But that was at my parents house. I currently do not own any pets.

♪♫ Take one step at a time.. there's no need to rush.. ♫♪

You are about to read something very very important to read and think about. It gives me pause, making me realize.. I'm trying to swim Wicca before I can even float! If I were more ambitious I'd be trying a Wiccan Triathelon by now, but I try to be reserved.. not reserved enough. Ok so here's the quote and link:

Okay, so you've read everything you possibly could about Wicca (and have checked out other neo-pagan religions as well) and have decided this is the religion for you.  Great.  Now you have to run out and get a bunch of pentacle necklaces and rings, candles, incenses, herbs, knives, cauldrons, wands, chalices, besoms, bells, etc., right?  Wrong!  I'm not saying that it's wrong to buy any of these things, but it's not necessary to have them all on hand for a big, elaborate first ritual.  They will come to you in due time.  Meanwhile, it is wise to start out with simple rituals.  Take a bit of time to stand before the sun as it rises in the morning.  Feel its energies.  Say a few words to the God in order to acquaint yourself with Him.  In the evening when the moon rises, do the same thing.  Stand before the moon and greet the Goddess.  Become familiar with the lunar energies.  Start taking long walks in a wooded area or through a city park.  Take some time in a quite room and light a candle and perhaps light some incense.  Gaze through the flames of the candle and meditate on what you've learned from what you've read and what you've learned from the simple rituals you've performed.  Leave offerings to the Goddess and God to show appreciation for what you have learned from Them in the form of seeds, a planted tree, getting an orange vest and picking up trash on the roadside, etc.  Set up a recycling plan for your household.  Start buying eco-friendly cleaners and ponder other ways you can protect our environment.  What does this have to do with Wicca?  If you don't know the answer to that, close this window move on to something else or go back and re-read what you've read.

Now, since I'm waiting to start my year and a day until February 2, I need to move that book to #3 and buy the other two first. In case you need help remembering my Wiccan book wish list, I will quote and link myself :D

1: Wicca: A year and a day by Timothy Roderick (#1 because it'll get me started on the path, the sooner I start the sooner I know if I belong), 2: The elements of ritual by Deborah Lipp (#2 because it not only explains how to do something, like a step in a ritual, but also why. That feels important to me.), 3: Wicca for beginners by Thea Sabin (#3 because it explains a lot, calendar, rituals, circles, pentagrams, tools needed, as well as worshiping.. being a life long Christian, I don't know if my way is 'proper' and I want to give The One the utmost respect)

A beautiful story about the beginning of creation

For those of you who may actually be reading this, I must make clear: I am not an experienced Wiccan or Witch and I do not have the answers to the universe. I am barely beginning my journey and since I don't have a book of shadows or a grimoire, this felt like a decent place to keep track of and to share my journey. I only wish I had started taking notes like this sooner, I did a shitton of reading before I started this blog.

Now I just read this blog that describes the Wiccan Creation story. It is too beautiful to mince, I'll copy and paste. (But I'm still linking the credit, I don't want to make any Witches angry.)

CREATION STORY

Long, long ago, the world slept in the arms of a dark void. From this place of nothingness, Spirit drew together and created Our Lady of Infinite Love. She danced among the heavens Her feet beating out the rhythm of all creation. Sparks of light flew from her hair, giving birth to the stars and planets. As She twirled, these heavenly bodies moved with Her in the divine symphony of the Universe. When Her dancing quickened, She formed the seas and mountains. She chanted words of love and joy, as these sounds fell to Earth the flowers and trees were born. From the pure, white light of Her breath came the colours of the universe, turning all things to vibrant beauty. From Her bubbling laughter came the sounds of the pristine running water of the streams, the gentle lapping waters of the lakes, and the roaring screams of the oceans. Her tears of joy became rains of survival.

When Her dancing slowed and She sought a companion with whom to share the wonders of the world, Spirit created The Lord as Her lifemate and companion. Because The Lady so loved the Earth, Spirit made Her companion half spirit, half animal so that together the Lord and Lady could populate the Earth. The Lord’s power moves through her and She showers the Earth and all upon it with Her blessings. Together the Lord and Lady gave birth to all the birds, animals, fishes, and people of our world. To protect and guide the humans, the Lord and Lady created the power spirits. These energies walk with us always, though we often cannot see them. Their speech creates positive energy, from which we draw strength. To each bird the Lady gave a magic song, and to each animal the Lord bestowed instincts to survive. The Lord is the master of the animal and vegetable kingdoms, and therefore wears the antlers of a stag upon His great head. This half-man, half-animal aspect shows His great joy in both the human and animal creations of the Spirit.

As the humans began to grow and prosper, the Lord and Lady saw the need for healers among them. And so they drew forth energy from the realm of angels and from the realm of power animals and from the human realm to create the Witches. The Witches brought with them the wisdom of the Lord and Lady, the ability to heal, and the art of magic. The Lady taught the Witches how to cast a magic circle and talk to the Spirit, the Lord taught them how to communicate with the energies of water, fire, air and earth and commune with the animal and plant kingdoms.

At first, the humans accepted the Witches and treated them fairly; but because the Witches were different, humans began to fear the Wise Ones of the Lord and Lady, thus the Witches became the Hidden Children, conducting their rites of positive energy in secret lest they risk capture and death at the hands of uneducated humans.

As the world grew darker with ignorance and hate of human creation, the Lady took the body of the Moon to represent the gentle light of Her perfect peace, and the Lord took the vibrant rays of the Sun as His symbol of strength in perfect love. And once a month, when the Moon is full, the Witches celebrate and remember the blessings our Mother has bestowed upon us. We call forth Her energy to help us take care of ourselves, our families, our planet, and our friends. Four times a year the Witches celebrate the festivals of fire and honour the Lord and His love for us - these are called the cross-quarters. At the four quarters of the seasons, the Witches honour the cycle of life and the gifts of the Earth with festivals to both the Lord and Lady-signifying the balance they have brought us- the Equinoxes and Solstices.

The Lady has many names- Isis, Astarte, Bride, Diana, Aradia, Hecate- and the Lady walks within and beside each woman. The Lord has many faces, from the strong Cernunnos to the delightful Pan. He guards and guides us and resides within and beside each man. When thunder roars in the heavens, and lightning crack from the ground, the Lord and Lady dance the divine myth of creation so that we may remember them and know that we are never alone. When the Sun rises each morning, we bask in the joy of His love for us, and when the Moon moves through her phases, we understand the cycle of birth, growth, death and rebirth.

When it is our time, the Witches enter the Summerland, From the Spirit that moves and flows through the Lord and Lady we continue to learn the mysticism of the Universe so that we may return, life after life, to serve our brothers and sisters. In each lifetime, Spirit guides us through learning experiences, preparing us along the way for our individual missions. Sometimes we are born among our own kind, and in other instances we must seek out our spiritual family. Many of us do not remember our chosen path until we reach adulthood, but others know instinctively of their heritage from the time they form their own thoughts.

We are the Witches, the representation of the growth of wisdom on our planet. We are the Hidden Children, back from the dead. We are the people, the power, the change, and we have incarnated in every race and culture and continue to do so. We are the divine angels of Earth.

So mote it be

~Silver RavenWolf~ 

Today I took some advice and tried connecting with nature. See, feel, smell. Dirt smells rather good actually.

Have I found my first Goddess?

I went looking for a Goddess. I searched for Celtic deities, since I have major Celtic roots and I have always felt drawn to Celtic history and symbols. Maeve would be a good Goddess for me, she has the same sexual appetite I feel I have (and my boyfriend would pleasantly agree). Problem? I'm not a heart breaker anymore and have lost any lust for war (modern drama).

ANU: [Irish] goddess of plenty and Mother Earth. Greatest of all Irish goddesses, deity of cattle, health, fertility, prosperity, and comfort.

That's... all I get? *googles sm'ore*

silentowl Linked for your reading pleasure, but I'll try to add only new information.
Alternate names... I still prefer 'Danu'.
She is the mother of the faeries.
She has many names, and many places named after her.

Wikipedia adds that she "is depicted as predicting death in battle."

Another link tells me she is the Maiden of the Triple Goddesses. She is also said to be one of the first deities in Ireland (to me, this means she mirrors The One rather closely). Symbols for her: Emeralds, blood, and moonstones. This link also mentions that Christians used Danu to create St. Anne to promote conversion.

"In the beginning it was Anu who watered the first Oak tree Bile from the heavens and granted life to the earth, from the tree fell two acorns which Anu nurtured as her own and in turn they became the God Dagda and the Goddess Brighid. Anu has been known to appear in the form of a swan, representing the purity of the female and gracefulness in motherhood."

The tree bit is extremely interesting, seeing as I am a former Christian and Christians believe in a tree in heaven that is split to connect the two sides of a river. More mirrors connecting the faces of The One? This is obviously a stretch, but I noticed... the Oak named Bile? Add a 'b' between the 'i' and 'l'... 'Bible'. What it means? Absolutely nada! Goose egg! My brain is clearly fried!

Ha, fried brain.... I think I laughed too hard at that...

What I know about Danu:

1. Goddess of Plenty
2. Ireland's Mother Earth
3. Greatest of all Irish Goddesses
4. Goddess of Health & Fertility
5. Goddess of Prosperity & Comfort
6. Names: Anu, Danu, Ana, Anann, Anand
7. Mother of faeries
8. Predicts death. (least in battle)
9. Maiden (Mother, Crone) 
10. Granted Life to Earth
11. Appears as a Swan
12. Symbols are Emeralds, blood, and moonstones
13. The inspiration for Catholic St Anne
14. I need to be strong or she may cull me out of her heard.
15. Fried brain!

Signing off at 3:22am, setting the blog to post automatically, and going to bed..... fried brain.... hehe

brewing up some custom things

Am I a witch? No... But I still love Halloween, and hope to become a witch. So I got bored and went crazy with my cauldron (computer) brewing up some yummy tee's.

WILF...MILF... Took forever to line up that darn bat! (kudos if you caught the movie reference)

Just because you're a good witch, doesn't mean you can't be a bad girl ;)

My personal beliefs

I know I believe in creation, that someone (be it a God, an Alien, or a bowl of noodles.. at this point I'm not picky) created me, my dog, and the universe. I believe nature and astrology act like road maps to the being who created us. I believe the creator has some kind of love for us humans, spirits, animals, and nature. I believe in Karma, or I guess now I call it the three-fold law.

I believe science is a way to explain creation and even recreate it, not that we should. I believe in evolution, to a point. (I do not believe our ancestors were monkeys, I do not believe we were ever aquatic) I do believe dinosaurs/dragons existed and I do believe they were killed in a great flood that was caused by a God or Goddess, since that is a story that has been around longer than the bible. Dragons may have flown back to Mars or something. I also believe in aliens, mermaids, unicorns, and faeries. Yes, seriously.

 

I believe the Bible has some truth to it but it should not be read as 100% fact. I no longer believe Jesus is the son of God. I believe Kosher is a realistic way to be healthy (I do not eat pig, I do not eat lobster, I do like my tuna melt and salmon sushi.. this is Kosher). I believe spirits exist, both good and bad, and I believe some spirits are warriors in a great battle between good and evil. I believe this battle can continue indefinitely, and probably will. I do not know what I believe about ghosts.

Now I don't know if I believe that rubbing oil on a candle in specific directions and lightening it with a prayer will do anything but melt the wax and get your fingers greasy, but I am willing to try it and keep an open mind.

Prayer list.

I need to look into how polyamory and Wicca Traditions mix.

What I need to pray about:

Job: the one from my cousin, or something better than what I have.
Math: learning and understanding it.
Diploma: finishing school and getting it.
Car: mime is almost dead, I need a working one.
College: getting there, finding the right one.
Knowledge
Wisdom
Spirit animal: finding and befriending him or her.
Religion: which path is best for me.
Wiccan books: which ones I need to read.
My magickal name: finding it.

)O(

This is my very noobish idea of the maiden, mother, and crone. Not 100% sure how I did.

Relearning the basics

As a Christian with troubles/worries, you're taught to pray and leave it in God's hands.

Witches, apparently, disagree.

Notes from somewhere:
The Gods do not do things for us, but guide us to be able to do them for ourselves. We do not rely on the Gods to take charge of our lives and fix all our issues, or to enrich our lives. We do rely on their guidance to show us the right way, to give us the recipe we need to do it our selves.

The Mother may love us, but we're old enough, she isn't going to cut our food. She may guide us with our homework though.

Speaking of, I need to relearn how to pray.

Critical Characteristics of a Dedicated Witch

Self-confidence
Sincerity
Ambition
Absolute honesty

I read this list somewhere.. sadly I've done a lot of reading and can't recall where all my notes are from. Also, from what I've read, witches practice what Christians preach. Love thy brother and thy neighbor. Pray for the well being of your enemies. Or at least don't think about bashing your ex's head in. I'm having a really hard time with that. Ex-hubby, custody case, he's forever in my life, and forever a pain in my... *thinks about triple law* ... he has such pretty eyes. And.. he can sometimes have a nice smile. *tries thinking of good qualities*

Stupid question of the witching hour

Can a Besom be flown, was it ever possible, where did the fable come from?

Meditation, and snake fables.

I may never dedicate myself, or find my magickal name, or my spirit guide, and I may never have a Book of Shadows. But if I do get a BoS, it'll be a three ringed binder with those protective sleeves. (I've done my research and this is the way for me) I say this because I've written my first entry for my BoS and I'm about to type it for you.

BoS          

Meditation

ONE         

December 24, 2013                              first attempt - meditation

In my parents house on the Eve of the Christian holiday, I threw my blanket over my head and sat near a corner of the room, near the walls but not touching any. I prayed as best I could to the Lord and Lady for their blessing. Then I asked all spirit animals to visit me, admitting my desire to make friends, learn from them if they would teach me, and my desire to find my spirit guide.

My conscious imagination was active a moment or two, I imagined a wolf and a bird. They vanished and most of my conscious mind had relaxed. Then I met an animal I hadn't anticipated... a snake. He, (he?) greeted me. I don't recall everything, but he asked why I was so afraid. So I told him truthfully, I'm afraid of snakes. He proceeded to climb my back, and whispered something in my ear. I was so terrified, I stood. Throwing the blanket off me, and walked briskly away from where I was sitting. I could still feel him on my back, and he was there at least another minute.

December 26, 2013                              Research on the snake as a spirit animal (cliff notes)

Snake: animal meaning - powerfully connected to life force and primal life. totem: Source of life. When snake spirit appears, it likely means that healing opportunities, change, important transitions, and increased energy are manifesting. (I remembered to write down the link!)


Back to now
Do I understand now he probably didn't mean to scare me and was there because I asked? Yes. And I have called/prayed/send a message to the spirit animals and apologized, twice. Am I still afraid of snakes? YES. Will I jump if I have another encounter like that? Probably. But next time I'll try not to be so terrified so I can listen and retain the information that's being given.

As for the snake's prophecies of change? Later on the 26th I found out my cousin works in the town I live in, he will hire me at a job I have experience with, but I need to finish one course... that I'm already working on.

Before I close, I must comment... being a former Christian, I find it ironic that the snake is considered a source of life. The bible does clearly state that life would not be as it is if the snake hadn't interfered. Puts a new understanding to the story of Eden. All Gods and Goddess' are mirror images of The One.

Something Wiccan this way comes.

Around Dec 20, I started looking around the internet for information on Wicca. I don't even remember why. I remember I felt compelled.. So I Googled "Wicca beliefs". Clicked What is Wicca? and my journey began. The next article I read was An open Letter to Christians which, as a former Christian, I found very intriguing. I looked around and realized there was a forum.

In this forum I found Wiccan Booklist for Beginners. Since then I've narrowed my list to 3 books. 1: Wicca: A year and a day by Timothy Roderick (#1 because it'll get me started on the path, the sooner I start the sooner I know if I belong), 2: The elements of ritual by Deborah Lipp (#2 because it not only explains how to do something, like a step in a ritual, but also why. That feels important to me.), 3: Wicca for beginners by Thea Sabin (#3 because it explains a lot, calendar, rituals, circles, pentagrams, tools needed, as well as worshiping.. being a life long Christian, I don't know if my way is 'proper' and I want to give The One the utmost respect)

One thing I've noticed... Since I'm no longer a Christian, and spirits are no longer just demons, I am no longer scared of a few bumps in the night. It's either the house settling, or spirits. Maybe even my power animal coming to wish me good night.